Halo 2 turns kid into wacko ?? *Story* OMG - So Funny !!
Lexington, NE – Timmy Smith, a 13 year-old former Halo 2 and Xbox Live smack-talk addict, was voluntarily admitted by his parents into Sunnyside Acres State Mental Facility in Lincoln on Tuesday.
Recent events in his video game behavior sent Smith reeling into a bout with self-discovery. In an effort to build his laughable social skills, Smith reported to football coach, Wes Leary, of the East Lexington High Knights.
“Let me just say that at 5 feet 7 inches and 115 pounds, Timmy ain’t the most intimidating being you ever met,” Leary said in a recent interview. “And when he talks, I thought I was talking to a girl that wanted to play ball. Not the most manly voice. Ah, who am I kiddin’, he was downright feminine. But the boy could talk some smack. ****, it was worth having him on the team just to teach the other guys what a sailor sounded like. He had a worse mouth than any jockey I ever met. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t think of Alvin the chipmunk every time he opened his mouth.”
Smith’s two-day career on the spring training football squad was both colorful and painful. He tried out for several positions, the first of which was wide receiver.
Leary explained, “No matter what play Everrett called (he’s our offensive coordinator, ya understand), you could hear Timmy: ‘I call the ball! Give that [fecal matter] to me, son, and I’ll show you what a man can do with it.’ Whenever we didn’t opt to pass to Timmy, he’d come back grumbling about how he had ‘pwndizzled’ the defense, and he’d of had a touch down. He called the quarterback a ‘[slang for female dog]’, and even called Everrett a ‘newb’. He got to do a few extra up-downs after that particular practice.”
Frustrated, Smith begged the coaches to put him on defense. He told them that he knew he’d be the best linebacker that they had ever seen. Knowing otherwise, the coaches decided to just shut him up by giving him a shot at the position.
“It was the funniest thing I ever saw,” Leary said chuckling. “He thought he was so tough. I’ll never forget the image of Timmy laying in a trash-talking crumpled heap after Jamison Bertring (the Knights All-State starting running back) just ran him over. He was yellin’ at us between sobs. ‘You [slang for intercourse] cheaters! You ain’t nothing without your damn linemen. If my defensive line wasn’t a bunch of [buttocks]-licking circle-[slang for masterbation], I’d have beat your pansy [buttocks] down and put you in your place. Just like I did with your mom last night.’ But you gotta give him some credit. [Buttocks]-licking circle-[slang for masterbation]? That’s priceless.”
Smith’s expulsion from the school and the team was a result of what is now known as the “locker room incident.”
“Practice was over, and everyone was cleaning up to go home. Timmy got some wacky idea from somewhere. Must have had something to do with those video games I read about before he joined the team. He was getting ready for the shower, when he saw some guys sitting around, talking about the practice. Next thing you know, Timmy’s naked and running around, smacking these guys in the forehead with his [slang for ****]. ‘Sacktacular!’ he yelled. All the guys just sat there in shock, and so did I. ‘Sack Frenzy! Sacktrocity! Sackamonjaro! Ya like a little [racial slur referring to white people] with your tea, [slang for female dogs]?’ The guys started to move. I tried to get out there, but I wasn’t fast enough. Don’t move as fast as I used to, and those kids are all faster than I am. Poor Timmy didn’t have a chance. That crazy bastard.”
After a necessary stay in the local hospital, Smith checked himself into Sunnyside Acres, with the blessing of his parents.
“We can only hope that time will heal his mind and mend the broken bones,” Linda Smith, Timmy’s mother, said. “I still blame those damn games. Gary and I are excellent parents, so it has to be those games that did this to my little angel. And don’t even get us started on those football players.”
Cliffs: Halo 2 addict takes the term "killingspree" to the extreme in a sexual way. ‘Sack Frenzy! Sacktrocity! Sackamonjaro! ROFLMAO!!!!!
Location: Cola, South Carolina MoFo Status: Teh Black
Posts: 2,641
OMFG!!! That's some funnay shit!! I talk plenty of crap at work but I can curse there.
__________________ Hendrix
"Have you heard of the chain of command? It's the chain I beat you with until you realize that I'm in command" - Firefly, Jayne. Affirmative Action MoFo
Signature edited to please Scoot
I’ll never forget the image of Timmy laying in a trash-talking crumpled heap after Jamison Bertring (the Knights All-State starting running back) just ran him over. He was yellin’ at us between sobs. ‘You [slang for intercourse] cheaters!
Leary explained, “No matter what play Everrett called (he’s our offensive coordinator, ya understand), you could hear Timmy: ‘I call the ball! Give that [fecal matter] to me, son, and I’ll show you what a man can do with it.’ Whenever we didn’t opt to pass to Timmy, he’d come back grumbling about how he had ‘pwndizzled’ the defense, and he’d of had a touch down. He called the quarterback a ‘[slang for female dog]’, and even called Everrett a ‘newb’. He got to do a few extra up-downs after that particular practice.”
ROFLMFAO!!! I think my hemroid just popped out. Anybody got a pencil so I can push it back in?
lmmfao sacktacular got to remember that one the next time I scrotum pole someone
I might do one of you guys you bunch of [expletive for female dogs] wanna be circle [slang for masterbation].!!!! Why don't you all eat the [excretement] out of my[buttocks] with a spoon
__________________
Club MoFo's Offical OT Extremist
Reality is a figmant of my sick imagination 96 Sentra GLE
__________________
95 Volkswagen Golf Sport - Low, slow, and loud purchased 4/5/08
93 Nissan Sentra SE 2 door - sold 4/5/08
88 Honda Civic DX Hatchback - sold 9/26/07
85 BMW 325e Coupe w/ 88 I motor swap - sold 2/24/07
93 Sentra XE 4 door - wrecked 7/29/06 totalled.
90 240SX Fastback - sold 7/15/05
[Buttocks]-licking circle-[slang for masterbation]
Ya like a little [racial slur referring to white people] with your tea, [slang for female dogs]
‘You [slang for intercourse] cheaters!
'Give that [fecal matter] to me, son, and I’ll show you what a man can do with it.’
Thats [slang for intercourse] hilarious.
__________________ Club Mofo Trigger Happy MoFo
Quote:
Originally Posted by Firefly
Capt. Mal: You only have to scare him.
Jayne Cobb: Pain is scary.
Linear Mode
