Illegal Aliens reporting for deportation?

hawaiibrew · May 1st, 2006, 02:43 PM

<font size=2><b>Illegal Aliens Reporting for Deportation
Underdog News Service
15 minutes ago
(By John Kitna UA Press)

In a shocking new strategy - illegal aliens today annouced that they would be willing to help in their own deportation.

The annoucement was made to the media that they would be meeting en mass in central city locations on May 1st to prepare for deportation.

Upwards of 1 million illegal aliens are expected to march through the cities to assigned deportation points.

A spokesperson from the INS was quoted as saying "We really don't know how to handle this. We spend 8-10 hours a day chasing them along the border in our trucks. We usually only catch one or two a day, a million? Gee, my truck only seats 5 people."

Another INS official commented "This is amazing, we can't believe that after all these years of trying to track them down that they all are just going to meet in one place for us. We're thinking of cutting a deal with U-Haul and backing up the trucks to the central locations."

One illegal alien who plans to march was quoted as saying "I don't pay taxes, all my kids use the US schools and we make others pay for it. I do the jobs no one else wants at $5 a hour, but my 5 kids use $40,000 a year in taxpayer resources. The equation doesn't work out - we knew we were hurting the US, that's why we agreed to march to the deportation locations."

Many of the marchers plan to carry mexican flags, obviously excited at the prospect of returning to their homeland. Many plan to carry signs with slogans such as - "We are not criminals, there wasn't a border guard on the other side after we swam the river, how we were to know we had just broken the law?".

The government so far has declined to issue orders for the INS to deport the 1 million plus illegal aliens.

At a White House press meeting today President Bush said "We are happy they all gathered in one place so we can send them home - but we're just not prepared right now to move them all. If once we pass some stricter immigration laws they'd march again we'd be happy to deport them at that time. Hopefully they'll still be willing to show up after we make being illegal a felony."

Another illegal alien was quoted as saying "I feel bad I broke the laws of Mexico and the US by crossing the border illegally. I plan to march to the deportation location. All the money I earned here I sent back to mexico anyway. should go where I sent my money.

We tried to call the the Mexican government for comment, but our call was not returned. Their answering machine said they were busy at the moment passing new legislation legalizing cocaine and heroin.

John Anderson of the INS had this final comment "These people broke the law, they felt bad about it, and now they were nice enough to all gather in one place so we can take them home. They are asking for us to give them the rights they deserve. Someone who enters the US illegally has the right to deportation. I don't understand why the government won't give us the OK."
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This article is satire. If you had to read this warning to know that then you should be deported for stupidity.
If you are offended by humor than please do not laugh.
But if you're not a communist and managed ot laugh - Pass it ON!

**Dustin** · May 3rd, 2006, 11:26 AM

see, not all of them are ignorant, it's nice to see that some people have a brain. i'd give them rights to be a citizen just for understanding what's going on.

Marvin · May 3rd, 2006, 12:46 PM

I smell an "Onion".

Loki · May 18th, 2006, 09:52 PM

That is so fucking LAME and stupid.....

Cocaine ?? you IDIOT its brought from colombia and southamerican places!!!! oh and BTW the states is the one that has the HIGHEST demand on it!!!! We have enough problems with fucking crack heads in the norther stantes,, Baja California, Sonora, Sinaloa, Chihuahua...Nuevo Leon......fucking drug addicts are bringing there shit to the central part of Mexico

hawaiibrew · May 19th, 2006, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loki

That is so fucking LAME and stupid.....

Cocaine ?? you IDIOT its brought from colombia and southamerican places!!!! oh and BTW the states is the one that has the HIGHEST demand on it!!!! We have enough problems with fucking crack heads in the norther stantes,, Baja California, Sonora, Sinaloa, Chihuahua...Nuevo Leon......fucking drug addicts are bringing there shit to the central part of Mexico

Hmmm.. maybe you missed a couple of things -

#1 - The article was satire, meaning it was merely playing humor of recent events

#2 - the reference to cocaine. Nowhere in the article does it make reference to where cocaine comes from - that must be your weird way of trying to contradict things you make up in your head.

The only thing it says about cocaine is regarding a law Mexico actually passed in the last couple of weeks that makes it legal to carry small amounts of cocaine, crack, LSD, etc.

So if you take the time to read more carefully next time, and maybe click on the links to visit the articles where the information came from you won't look so ignorant

Spelchy · Jun 1st, 2006, 06:01 PM

I'm going to lay my final thoughts on this whole thing on you. We have a simliar 'problem' here in Canada. It is not the same because the "illegal immigrants" here came here on "vacations", or on temporary work visas, and just never left. Most of the Canada-US border is completely unprotected. You can drive a Quad across it in most places. There is nobody around and there are no cameras, but since both countries have high security on the rest of their borders, there is no reason to protect it ( save the mindless musings of some US Republican senators ). Anyway, this year our government plans to deport 10,000 illegal immigrants. I initially thought this was a good thing. I mean, we have an immigration system set up for those who want to move here. It's a very liberal one because there is a constant worker shortage in the shitty-end workplace. However, does that actually mean that we should deport people who avoid the law simply because they'd rather clean the shit off the walls for $4.00/hr after I complete a 14-taco meal at taco bell and unleash it with fury?

Think about it.

Why would someone subject themselves to such complete bullshit? They consistently get paid below minimum wage, in high-risk, dirty jobs.

I honestly believe that it is because these people grew up in the proverbial "assholes of the world", and just want a better future for their kids. They would throw away their pasts and their homes to come here and flip burgers for nickels, and live in poverty, just so their kids can get a decent education and have a good life. Why else would they do it? There is no other reason. In both countries, whether or not you're a citizen, if your child is born here they become one.... and so often is the case. Is it any coincidence?

What do the Mexicans get? Gun-toting rednecks patrolling the borders, hoping to blast someone and watch them die. What fun that must be, watching someone give up their whole lives to walk through the desert and be met by a bunch of would-be John Waynes who feel it is their civic duty to shatter people's futures, simply because they don't like it when the guy boxing up their fries can't speak very good english. Think about it - you leave your desk job, hop in your nice car, whip into burger king, and go home to your house and TV... and you're concerned about illegal immigration? You actually give a shit whether or not the guy who took your order is a citizen or not? It's none of your business. Maybe he's working 90 hours a week for shits and giggles... or maybe it's because he gets paid $4.00/hr and has kids to feed and bills to pay. You don't want someone to live in the same country as you, basically, because they either:

a) Aren't the same colour as you
b) Don't speak the same language as you
c) Aren't a Citizen

and in reality, any of those responses deserves a big "fuck you". As Chris Rock put it, "You ain't better than someone just because you came out of a pussy in Detroit".