Hi there ecrase2500,
I like your sound animations and I couldn't have described it better myself
I can relate to all of the rattles you're having and I was successful in isolating some of them:
1. The passenger side rattle happens not because of the tweeter grille, but from the plastic air-tube, which is located under the grille rubbing on a plastic base. Since I have jammed the damn thing with a piece of foam, it went away.
2. The hiss of the air-con fan is normal and is more evident when I turn-on my heating fan (it doesn't do it when you have the setting set on cold air output) I have checked about 10 xtrails and they all have this hissing sound. So I just left it at that.
3. No glove box rattles here, try to tighten the screws. It could be the plastic guard under the glove box (just above passengers foot space) that has a broken clip. I've seen one being replaced by the dealer and a guy was complaining about the rattly noise coming from there.
4. No cargo floor squeaks here either. But I have the cargo carpet on mine.
I think most of the squeaks you're hearing are caused by the plastic expanding or shrinking in the cold weather conditions that you have over there in Canada. The whole internal structure of the plastic internal parts of the xtrail is less than practical.
My latest solution involved adding MORE rattly bits to the inside of the car (like a mobile phone holder..etc) and now when anything rattles, I just blame the shitty mobile phone holder
So, the sound animation that I can best describe when driving is:
Click, clack, clap and snap and every other noise you can think of. I just learnt to ignore them all.