No offense meant, PatScott. I don't believe that all Nissan technicians are monkeys. Since you take the time to post on a Nissan enthusiast forum, you probably take your job and your craft very seriously. That being said, I'm sure you'll agree if you've worked as a dealer technician for any length of time that the ratio of dain-bramaged dunderheads to meticulous, qualified master craftsmen is skewed just slightly toward the former at most Nissan dealers.
Wash and vacuum? Free? What the heck is that? My wife's Infiniti dealer does that sort of thing while providing croissants on a white linen napkin, but sadly her car has been so rock-solid reliable that she's only seen the inside of her dealership once. I, on the other hand, have become practically intimate with my Nissan dealer, and while I've been fortunate in that each time I've taken the care in for repairs the work has been done well and generally on time, each time I've gotten the car back I did a double-take to make sure the pewter Altima they gave me was in fact my car. Just about everything that could move, be adjusted, changed or modified was moved, adjusted, changed or modified. And the car was invariably dirtier and greasier than when I brought it in.
Nonetheless, I'll say this: If I've got the choice of getting my car monkeyed and returned waxed and vacuumed or repaired well and handed back to me grungy and with all the station presets changed to rap music, well, sign me up for the second one. Maybe I should just bring the car to you, PatScott. You sound like a good guy.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone.