<font size=2><b>Illegal Aliens Reporting for Deportation
Underdog News Service
15 minutes ago
(By John Kitna UA Press)
In a shocking new strategy - illegal aliens today annouced that they would be willing to help in their own deportation.
The annoucement was made to the media that they would be meeting en mass in central city locations on May 1st to prepare for deportation.
Upwards of 1 million illegal aliens are expected to march through the cities to assigned deportation points.
A spokesperson from the INS was quoted as saying "We really don't know how to handle this. We spend 8-10 hours a day chasing them along the border in our trucks. We usually only catch one or two a day, a million? Gee, my truck only seats 5 people."
Another INS official commented "This is amazing, we can't believe that after all these years of trying to track them down that they all are just going to meet in one place for us. We're thinking of cutting a deal with U-Haul and backing up the trucks to the central locations."
One illegal alien who plans to march was quoted as saying "I don't pay taxes, all my kids use the US schools and we make others pay for it. I do the jobs no one else wants at $5 a hour, but my 5 kids use $40,000 a year in taxpayer resources.
The equation doesn't work out - we knew we were hurting the US, that's why we agreed to march to the deportation locations."
Many of the marchers plan to carry mexican flags, obviously excited at the prospect of returning to their homeland. Many plan to carry signs with slogans such as - "We are not criminals, there wasn't a border guard on the other side after we swam the river, how we were to know we had just broken the law?".
The government so far has declined to issue orders for the INS to deport the 1 million plus illegal aliens.
At a White House press meeting today President Bush said "We are happy they all gathered in one place so we can send them home - but we're just not prepared right now to move them all. If once we pass some stricter immigration laws they'd march again we'd be happy to deport them at that time. Hopefully they'll still be willing to show up after we make being illegal a felony."
Another illegal alien was quoted as saying "I feel bad I broke the laws of Mexico and the US by crossing the border illegally. I plan to march to the deportation location. All the money I earned here I sent back to mexico anyway.
should go where I sent my money.
We tried to call the the Mexican government for comment, but our call was not returned. Their answering machine said they were busy at the moment passing
new legislation legalizing cocaine and heroin.
John Anderson of the INS had this final comment "These people broke the law, they felt bad about it, and now they were nice enough to all gather in one place so we can take them home. They are asking for us to give them the rights they deserve. Someone who enters the US illegally has the right to deportation. I don't understand why the government won't give us the OK."
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